Hamara beta toh haath se gaya,ab woh sirf apni biwi ki sunta hai …He’s listening to his wife more.He would rather spend more time holidaying with her…He wants to abandon us! How could he?
Either you do your duty and stay with your parents or you let them down and “abandon” them. What a burden to bear!Fear, guilt and duty can’t be the right reasons to stay together, can they?A large chunk of our society is still living in a modern-day soap opera where a family that stays together, is truly together. And if someone decides to leave the fold, the house is broken, never to be the same again.
You have been training your children for independence since their birth. You have taught them how to cook, wash dishes, make beds and make responsible decisions. Now they are married, and it is time to celebrate their independence. You must respect them as equals.
A son, brought up and given education by his parents, has a moral and legal obligation to take care and maintain the parents, when they become old and when they have either no income or have a meager income.
Here’s where girls actually have it easy. From the day we are born, our parents know that one day we’ll leave (ladki paraya dhan hai and all that), hence there are zero expectations. You meet your parents twice a month and they’re delighted.Ever heard someone complain about lack of elder care from their sons in law (Jamai Raja) or from paraya dhan?
So for once in my life, boys, I’ll say this?–?it’s not easy to be a man either.
Marriage is a Allegiance:
God’s pattern for marriage involves “leaving” parents and “holding fast” to a husband or wife. Thus, marriage brings a change of allegiance.
Before marriage, one’s allegiance is to parents; after marriage, allegiance shifts to one’s mate.If there is a conflict of interest between a man’s wife and his mother, the husband is to stand with his wife. This does not mean that the mother is to be treated unkindly. It means that she is no longer the dominant female in his life. No couple will reach their full potential in marriage without this psychological break from parents.
Old parents in places like India still associate themselves with wisdom and knowledge, and hence can expect to exercise an excessive degree of authority over their children. This, however, is a problematic assumption in a world that is changing faster and faster. Parents either have to keep catching up, which is difficult after a certain age, or relinquish much of their hold on their grown-up children, which not all of them are willing to do.It’s important that you not allow parents to manipulate you into making a decision on which the two of you do not agree.
The specified food to be cooked, the ritualistic obedience to a routine, the invasions of privacy, rigid dress codes-all became valid reasons for an assertion of individuality, impossible in the conventional joint family system.Women are expected to “adjust” while men continue living the way they always have. Indian men have such a sense of entitlement in this system.
Why do Indian sons assume that their wives should live with their parents? Because they can. It is a privilege of patriarchy too convenient to give up.She becomes integral to and forms part of the family of the husband and normally without any justifiable strong reason, she would never insist that her husband should get separated from the family and live only with her
If a woman has her reservations about living with in-laws, her choice should be respected instead of naming her “Un-sanskari ” and lack of family values.
But if the primary objective of your life is to take care of your parents, please feel free to do it yourself. What is stopping you? Can’t you live with your parents and keep a cook, maid, take them out on weekends? Do you really need a woman to do that? Please do not marry a woman for this sole reason!
Hi! I am Anushree Dash…
1 Part Entrepreneur
2 Parts Writer
3 Parts Social reformer
4 Parts explorer
5 Parts photographer, Too many Parts.
A free-spirited,non-conformist,,impenitent,independent,adventurous,boho soul and an admirer of life. Loves my Indian roots, Culture, Aesthetic Living, Saree, Poetry …